Ryan and I had an amazing 1st christmas and to top it off it was a white one!!!! We are so blessed to have wonderful family to spend the holidays with. We received WAY more than we expected or deserved.

I thought I was going to have to work on Christmas day and I was worried about getting there in the snow. My car was stuck in the driveway and Ryan said we couldnt take the company truck to work. So I had to call in and make others work on Christmas Day. I felt horrible but there was no way I could get to work. But later I talked to someone from work and they said they didnt really need me so that made me feel TONS better!!!

But since I didnt have to work on Christmas Day I got to spend it with family and it was great. Luckily we live really close to my parents and were able to make it to their house. Most of our relatives didnt make it but it was still a nice day.

We got a Wii!!!! totally wasnt expecting it at all! we didnt even ask for one. But it is tons of fun! We even got a Wii fit to go with it. We havent hooked that up yet. I really dont want to see how much I weigh just yet. After the first of the year it is diet time!!! I know I can do it b/c I did it for the wedding and lost almost 20 pounds but pretty sure i have gained all that back...

Well that is all for now. Going to work on getting the house cleaned up for our New Year's Eve Party!!!

My last final is tomorrow. I am nervous. I think because I made it this far last semester and then didnt pass and that is why I am having to retake the class. So that makes me nervous. I know I shouldn't be but I am. I cant help but be nervous. I mean, this is the last thing I will do in nursing school and then its boards and then I am a real nurse.

Speaking of being a real nurse I need to send in my application. I didnt want to send it in b/c i was afraid I wasn't going to pass and then i would have wasted a bunch of money and been upset about it. O well I will do that this weekend. Hopefully it won't prolong my test date too much :)

Ok back to studying...

So pretty sure no one reads this but here we go anyway:

We have moved into our house and the construction is over for now, or at least until I am done with school. I just couldn't stand it and my grades were showing it so we put a stop on it for 2 weeks. Ryan is moving our stuff out of our apartment while I study. I am honestly blessed to have a husband that understands how stressful nursing school is and how important it is for me to study ALL the time. (I am not sure if he understands or just deals with it?)

We pulled the wood paneling down and painted the living room. I also painted 2 of the closets and Ryan painted the laundry room b/c we are sure they had not been painted since the house was built, which was 30 years ago.

After my test tomorrow I am going to unpack all our kitchen stuff. I think all the boxes are getting to Ryan. They aren't bothering me just yet but I think it's because I have been busy studying for school.

I have a test tomorrow. Trying to stay positive about but if I dont pass it I will fail the class, no questions asked. That is scary so I am trying not to think about it. But after that test I have a week off and then the final. The final can not come soon enough. Once the final is over I AM DONE WITH NURSING SCHOOL!!! Sometimes i feel like if I say that too soon I will jenks myself. So because of that I have not turned in any of my applications for boards b/c i want to make sure I pass the test tomorrow. Is that odd?? I hope not, b/c it makes me feel better :)

I have alot ot be thankful for this thanksgiving and I am really looking forward to being with most of my family. I love how big my family is but the hard part is, you cant be with them ALL at the same time. but i make due and see them when i can.

Ok thats enough i have to get back to studying for my test that is tomorrow. So if you are reading this pray for me at 1 o'clock tomorrow and send good vibes my way!!!

Thanks <3

So it's been awhile, alot has happened. School is winding down. I have a few more tests to go and then I am out of there!!! I am still a little stressed but not anywhere close to the way I was last semester.

So we are buying a house! and we are closing on it in less than a WEEK! On Tuesday to be exact! Well that is if they don't change it again. I am excited but trying not to get too excited since I have so much school stuff left. But anyway this is a picture of our new house!
So please pray for me as I finish school and pass all of my tests and pray that everything with our house works out and closing goes smoothly.

So School starts today but my class is tomorrow. I really dont want to start but I guess the sooner it starts the sooner it is over. Still a little upset about my class being all semester long but i guess it will be a good thing in the long run.

All our wedding pictures are posted online and now I have to pick my favorites. it's going to be hard to do so. But I will manage. I also need to get started on thank yous.

ok all for now...

So Ryan and I have been married for about 2 weeks now. In some ways it feels different but in other ways it doesn't, which makes me happy. I am still working on unpacking all of my stuff from my room at my parents house. I didn't know I had so much stuff and there is still stuff there. I am thinking we will be unpacking and decorating from now until the end of time. O well, what can you do. I was doing such a good job earlier about unpacking today but now I just don't want to do any of it. I think it is a little overwhelming and I don't know where I want all of it to go...

I am working on uploading pictures from the cameras on the tables at the reception. There are some funny, good, and bad pics.

So Ryan and I decided we needed to get a bigger bed. The full size bed is just not working for us. We could probably handle it but it would be so much nicer if we had a bigger bed. So we are going to go shopping hopefully tonight.

I am going to start picking up shift at the flower shop. 1. b/c i am not getting as many hours at the hospital as I would like. 2. They need some help so people can take vacation 3. we need the money...

well that's all for today :)

So there are only 16 days til the wedding. It has been really hard for me to believe that it is so close. It seems just like yesterday that Ryan asked me. I think I have been planning the wedding for so long it doesn't seem possible for it to be right around the corner. Don't get me wrong I am ready, I have a few things I need to get done but most of it is all planned.

I am house sitting this week and I enjoy having time to myself, but there are dogs at the house and they just sit there and look at me. They have huge beady eyes and just stare. It bothers me. I try to tell them to come lay down beside me or go lay down on their pillow but they just like to sit there and stare.

Work has been really slow lately. I can not go in unless we have enough patients on the floor, and sometimes we have enough patients on the floor but they decide that they need RNs instead of aides, which is annoying b/c they are like RNs can do aide work and so we will help if the aide needs it. Well most of the time they don't so if you are the only aide on the floor with 15 patients it is really hard to do everything without help. O, well what can you do. I am actually going in tonight. first time to work the 3-11 shift, we will see if I like it. So far I like the sleeping in part but we will see if I like the getting off so late part.

I have been doing Weight Watchers since about January and I have lost about 18 pounds, but lately I have not done so well, and I need to since the wedding is so close. So from now on I am hitting it hard. I have to loose a few more pounds by the wedding!!! I can do it!

Less than a MONTH!!

So there is officially less than a month and Ryan and I will be married. Everyone keeps asking if I am nervous or stressed out, and I am not. I don't think people believe me when I say this. But i honestly don't feel stressed out. I think after going through Nursing School I am able to handle more stress without it getting to me like it use to.

I have almost everything done. I just have little things to do. I guess the only major thing I need to do is finish up with the photographer. But other than that everything is decided. I have the gift boxes done (although I might have to redo some, the glue did not work on all of them) I have a few more invitations to hand deliver (will be done at church). Michelle almost has the bubbles done. I guess the only big thing I need to do are the programs. I am trying to decide if I really want to have one. Basically because I don't want to make one. So that is what i need to figure out. I am staying up to date on my thank yous for the most part. People are RSVPing. So for the most part everything is getting done. O and my boss gave me off starting on Tuesday before the wedding :) she said I needed it.

I am working on 6East again. I am working as a nurse aid. I enjoy it. A lady yesterday said I must hate my job while I was helping her to the bathroom. I said "NO, NO I truly enjoy working here." After I left her room I was thinking to myself why would she say that, and then it hit me. Yes I was helping her to the bathroom, yes most people would not think that would be something they would want to do. But I see it as they just encountered the most joyous thing in life. Having a baby, and I am the one that helps them recover from the delivery and be able to care for their new little one. So to me its an enjoyable job. The look on the moms face when you ask about their new little one, is so great and I get to look at that everyday I go to work. Granted I don't want to get out of bed at 5 in the morning but once I get there I remember why I wanted to work there. :) So YES I do enjoy my job and NO I do not hate it.

I forgot to mention we got our honeymoon package in the other day!!! We were so excited. I enjoyed thinking about what we would be doing when we got there!

One bad thing that happened to me last night. I had my first wedding nightmare. I didn't think I was going to have one. But in the dream we were having a wedding outside by a lake, I think, and EVERYTHING was wet from the rain. So I just started raining. Everyone worked hard to fix it and then I was about to walk down the aisle and EVERYTHING was wet again. I started crying again. But then Ryan walked down the aisle and carried me to the alter. Then I woke up..
Could this be a result of all the rain we have had lately?? But we are not having our wedding outside, so I don't know what this means.....

So today consisted of studying ALL day long. I got to the school at 10am and left at 5 something. Honestly I have no idea how I am able to study for such a long period of time. It is probably because of the people I was studying with. We all desperately want to pass our test tomorrow. I am trying really hard not to become anxious about the test. I think that is the problem, I get too nervous and I am not able to think properly.

Reasons I really want to pass this test:
1. To prove to myself I can do it
2. So I do not have to take the test again
3. To shove it in my instructors face (who said I wouldn't pass)
4. So I do not have to take Leadership over again next semester b/c of this stupid test.
5. Because I have prepared so much for this test and I want to do well

On a happy note, my cousin is graduating tomorrow! I am excited for her. (even though I wish i was graduating at the same time).

Ryan got me a massage for my birthday and if I pass my test tomorrow I will be cashing in on that massage on Friday if they have any openings. :) fingers crossed.

I start working in the hospital in two weeks. I am ready to have money again, even though I am not super excited about working. I dont mind it. I do like my job, seeing all the cute babies and the excited families about the new delivery. :)

I am glad its finally sunny outside!!!! It makes me feel better...

So the semester is coming to an end and it's a little bitter sweet for me. Technically I should be graduating in a few weeks but I am not. I am really trying to be ok with not graduating and I try to put on a strong face for all of my classmates but deep down it is hard for me. I know this had to have happened for some reason and I just don't see it right now, but I am hoping I will see the reasoning for this sometime soon.

So since I am not graduating this summer I have to find work for the summer. I am working part time at St. John, which is where I have been working off and on since last summer. I also have an interview for Leon's. It's a restaurant on Brookside but they are opening a branch off Skiatook Lake. I am nervous b/c I have never worked in a restaurant, but i think I will be ok. I am just hoping it will pay well, basically that is why I am even taking the job. I hope I will make good tips so I can take some time off when school starts again in August.

Ryan is taking me out for my birthday tonight. I am excited b/c we haven't been out on a date in awhile. I have been so busy with school we haven't had time. I can't wait til I am done with school and I don't have to worry about studying and writing papers.

The wedding plans are coming along. I never realized how expensive they are until the other day when I really looked at what I was expecting to pay for everything.

I am so thankful for everyone in my life that has been so supportive in my life. It really hit me this past weekend when I had our first wedding shower. I was amazed by how many gifts people brought to just give Ryan and I. Every time I look at them all piled up in the apartment I just think about how blessed we are. :)

Well as you can see my thoughts are all over the place. I am sorry you have to see that on here, but that's how I feel right now.

Ryan and I cooked our first dinner together last night and it was delicious.

Ryan with the towel over his shoulder like a pro...

We cooked General Tsoa's Chicken.
Ryan was so hungry he couldn't wait til it was completely cooked. Gross I know...
It was so easy and REALLY good. We will be making it again. Probably soon.

So it's been a really shitty week. I have been on an emotional RollercoAster this week and I am ready to get off and move on with my life. I am trying really hard to be with ok with having retake the class and not being able to graduate in May. But I think I am in a little bit of denial about the whole situation. I know all of this is happening for a reason but honestly I don't see the reasoning right now. I wish I did because maybe I would feel better right now. I also really wish there was something someone could say that would make me feel better but, I find that everyone has really great advice and have shared their stories about a similiar situation, but really it doesnt make me feel better at all.

So I was watching Grey's Anatomy tonight and it was a bitter sweet episode and at the end there was a great quote that I thought applied to my life at the moment:

"Doesn't matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives, trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that's the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward. It's what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can STEP UP."


I am embarressed to tell people I failed a final, have to retake the class, and can't graduate in May.

So I don't think anyone reads this but I thought I would post something.

So about that test i just took last week, well I failed it. I mean really failed it. I have never gotten such a bad grade in my life. I would have been ok with that grade if I had not studied or came out of the test knowing I did so horribly, but I did either. I studied my ass off and actually felt ok when I was done. So anyway we had to wait a few days after the test to get our grades. When I finally got my grade I just started freaking out and crying all at the same time. I quickly tried to figure what I would have to get on the final to pass the class and the grade I came up with was a 95% and I was like there is no way, and all these horrible thoughts came pouring out; I am going to have to drop the class, I am not going to graduate in May (how embarrassing), and on and on. I waited to Call Ryan until he got off work, because i know I would start crying hysterically and he would want to rush right over to comfort me. So he came over and was so cute, he had never seen me cry before and I think he honestly didn't know what to do, but I knew he was trying and he did comfort me.

So after crying all night long basically, I talked to my instructor the next day she said she couldn't tell me if i had to drop but she could tell me what I need to make on my final to pass the class. She told me I had to make an 85% and that scares me but I am pretty sure it is doable. So I have tried to study over break but it is honestly very difficult. There are a million other things I can find to do. But starting tomorrow I cant distract myself at all. I will be in full study mode until Tuesday after the test. My final is at 2:00 on Tuesday so if anyone is reading this and remembers at that time please say a prayer for me because I really want to pass this test, so i can pass the class, and graduate in may. This test is what is between me and graduation.

Anyway on a lighter note, Ryan moved into an apartment. It is very nice. I am trying hard not to take over and decorate like a maniac but i don't think its working very well. But I AM trying.

Ok that is all for now. :)

It's been a busy week. I feel like all I do is study and then I dont see it in my grades. Its just frustrating and I cant wait for school to get over, I am so so sick of it all. I cant wait til spring break, even though most of it will be doing stuff for school and the wedding. It's probably best that i didnt have any plans for spring break so i can have time to do all of this stuff.

On a different note I went to my cousins soccer game last weekend. It was so cute, at the beginning they were more concerned about taking pictures than playing soccer. But once the game started they were all on the ground more than they were playing ball. It was almost like they were playing tackle football. :) here are a couple of pictures so you can see how cute he is :)

So its been awhile. Today I went and turned in our application for an apartment and paid the deposit. We are planning on moving into the Villas on March 15. So hopefully everything will work out. Ryan and Chris are going to move into the two-bedroom apartment until Ryan and I get married and then I will move in and Chris will move out.

So we went over to ryan's house last night and his parents were like "Go look in the guest bedroom" so we go in there and there is a flat screen television in there. They bought it for us just because. I was so surprised and Ryan was so excited b/c he has been looking at them at wal-mart. After talking about it for awhile, ryan decides he wants to take it back and put a little extra $$ into it and get a little bit bigger tv. When we got to wal-mart he was like a little kid in a candy shop. We finally picked one took it back to his house. I am afriad its too big for our little apartment but i guess we will just have to see. :)

School is going ok. I have two tests next week and a final care plan. Not very excited about all that but after next week only one more week and SPRING BREAK!!!! I have lots of things planned for spring break and that also means the semester is half way over.

So Sunday I went to Panera to study b/c I just can not study at my house. While I was there (mind you I was there from about 1 until 8pm) I saw a wide variety of people. When I showed up there was a man with a laminated sign that said some to the affect of my family needs help anything. will work. I honestly have never seen such a sign laminated before and I am pretty sure I saw a totally different man holding that sign out in the parking lot a few days earlier. but anyway he was talking to this poor boy for a good hour about this and that and how no one in this area is willing to give to the less fortunate.

A little while later a couple who is receiving pre-martial counseling comes and sits right next to me and I get to listen to that for a good hour. I tried hard not to but there wasn't really anyone else in the place and they sat RIGHT next to my table.

And then there is another man who has been camped out there all day long who has the headphones on with the microphone who looks like a gamer. He was there ALL DAY long playing i have no idea what, i can only assume War of warcraft or something. I didnt know these people went out in public to play this games but I guess they are everywhere.

Then later there is a cute little girl in her tap shoes decides she wants to tap dance on panera's tile floor. luckily she was cute or i think i would have been rather annoyed by the dancing.

After leaving Panera (because they closed) I went to IHOP to meet some people to study. We went to the back room hoping to get away from everyone and the noice. well to our surprise a group of guys come in and they weren't too loud at first and then all of a sudden they get really loud and start playing music from their phones and just being really loud. I understand that its a restaurant and not the library but they had the option of picking any table in the entire restaurant and they picked the one RIGHT next to ours. So we just got up and went out into the main part and studied some more.

Well I am sure there were more people there but that is all I can remember. And yes I was trying to study during all of this. I think this might be why I did not make such a great grade on my test.. Hmmm something to think about ...

I hate school...

So it's icy and maybe snowing outside, which means I am stuck at my house able to do nothing. What should I be doing while I am here... probably studying since I have my first test next monday, but what fun is that when you know you don't have school the next day, and all i want to do is stay warm and watch tv. Ryan can't come over either b/c the roads are so bad :(

I got to hang out with Kristin, Michelle and Baby Lilly. Lilly is getting so big and she was in such a good mood. here is a super cute picture of her :)While we were there we saw little Faith Anna and Ryan tried to eat her face. Honestly she looks terrified.

School was canceled today b/c of the weather. Everyone was freaking out about the roads and honestly i wasnt too worried. Not really sure why I wasnt but just wasn't. So we got out early and I didnt even think the road were that bad. But o well we got out early. Which made the day better b/c it started off horribly bad. Starting the week at 8 am with a teacher that treats us like we are 5 and makes us pass around a ball to answer questions is just dumb. She also makes us watch stupid youtube videos that have absolutely NOTHING to do with anything we ever talk about. It just makes me want to shoot myself in the face...

School starts again

So I have started school again for the last time for a long time. I am so thankful to everyone that has helped me get this far. This semester is going to be a hard one I am afraid but it will be totally worth it when it is all over.

This year is going to be full of so many eventful things. I am graduating, I will be getting married, I will be moving out of my mom's house and will never be coming back, I will be getting my first big girl job, hopefully getting a new car, and crossing my fingers by the end of the year Ryan and I will be buying our very first house. I honestly can not wait to do all of this with my best friend and future husband. I have a feeling our lives will be filled with many ups and down but I know there will NEVER EVER be a dull moment, pretty sure Ryan will make sure of this for me.

Well when it comes to wedding plans I have almost everything all planned out. It's hard to believe that it is getting so close. It feels like just the other day Ryan got down on one knee after we had just finished watching fireworks with the family, and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him.

Well i guess that is all for now. I guess we will see how many people read this. I have a feeling no one will but I guess we will see...

Trying it out...

So I think I am going to give this a try, not sure if I will like it, or if anyone will even read it, but I guess we will see :) Thats all for now..