So it's been a really shitty week. I have been on an emotional RollercoAster this week and I am ready to get off and move on with my life. I am trying really hard to be with ok with having retake the class and not being able to graduate in May. But I think I am in a little bit of denial about the whole situation. I know all of this is happening for a reason but honestly I don't see the reasoning right now. I wish I did because maybe I would feel better right now. I also really wish there was something someone could say that would make me feel better but, I find that everyone has really great advice and have shared their stories about a similiar situation, but really it doesnt make me feel better at all.
So I was watching Grey's Anatomy tonight and it was a bitter sweet episode and at the end there was a great quote that I thought applied to my life at the moment:
"Doesn't matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives, trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that's the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward. It's what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can STEP UP."
I am embarressed to tell people I failed a final, have to retake the class, and can't graduate in May.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
So I don't think anyone reads this but I thought I would post something.
So about that test i just took last week, well I failed it. I mean really failed it. I have never gotten such a bad grade in my life. I would have been ok with that grade if I had not studied or came out of the test knowing I did so horribly, but I did either. I studied my ass off and actually felt ok when I was done. So anyway we had to wait a few days after the test to get our grades. When I finally got my grade I just started freaking out and crying all at the same time. I quickly tried to figure what I would have to get on the final to pass the class and the grade I came up with was a 95% and I was like there is no way, and all these horrible thoughts came pouring out; I am going to have to drop the class, I am not going to graduate in May (how embarrassing), and on and on. I waited to Call Ryan until he got off work, because i know I would start crying hysterically and he would want to rush right over to comfort me. So he came over and was so cute, he had never seen me cry before and I think he honestly didn't know what to do, but I knew he was trying and he did comfort me.
So after crying all night long basically, I talked to my instructor the next day she said she couldn't tell me if i had to drop but she could tell me what I need to make on my final to pass the class. She told me I had to make an 85% and that scares me but I am pretty sure it is doable. So I have tried to study over break but it is honestly very difficult. There are a million other things I can find to do. But starting tomorrow I cant distract myself at all. I will be in full study mode until Tuesday after the test. My final is at 2:00 on Tuesday so if anyone is reading this and remembers at that time please say a prayer for me because I really want to pass this test, so i can pass the class, and graduate in may. This test is what is between me and graduation.
Anyway on a lighter note, Ryan moved into an apartment. It is very nice. I am trying hard not to take over and decorate like a maniac but i don't think its working very well. But I AM trying.
Ok that is all for now. :)
So about that test i just took last week, well I failed it. I mean really failed it. I have never gotten such a bad grade in my life. I would have been ok with that grade if I had not studied or came out of the test knowing I did so horribly, but I did either. I studied my ass off and actually felt ok when I was done. So anyway we had to wait a few days after the test to get our grades. When I finally got my grade I just started freaking out and crying all at the same time. I quickly tried to figure what I would have to get on the final to pass the class and the grade I came up with was a 95% and I was like there is no way, and all these horrible thoughts came pouring out; I am going to have to drop the class, I am not going to graduate in May (how embarrassing), and on and on. I waited to Call Ryan until he got off work, because i know I would start crying hysterically and he would want to rush right over to comfort me. So he came over and was so cute, he had never seen me cry before and I think he honestly didn't know what to do, but I knew he was trying and he did comfort me.
So after crying all night long basically, I talked to my instructor the next day she said she couldn't tell me if i had to drop but she could tell me what I need to make on my final to pass the class. She told me I had to make an 85% and that scares me but I am pretty sure it is doable. So I have tried to study over break but it is honestly very difficult. There are a million other things I can find to do. But starting tomorrow I cant distract myself at all. I will be in full study mode until Tuesday after the test. My final is at 2:00 on Tuesday so if anyone is reading this and remembers at that time please say a prayer for me because I really want to pass this test, so i can pass the class, and graduate in may. This test is what is between me and graduation.
Anyway on a lighter note, Ryan moved into an apartment. It is very nice. I am trying hard not to take over and decorate like a maniac but i don't think its working very well. But I AM trying.
Ok that is all for now. :)
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
It's been a busy week. I feel like all I do is study and then I dont see it in my grades. Its just frustrating and I cant wait for school to get over, I am so so sick of it all. I cant wait til spring break, even though most of it will be doing stuff for school and the wedding. It's probably best that i didnt have any plans for spring break so i can have time to do all of this stuff.
On a different note I went to my cousins soccer game last weekend. It was so cute, at the beginning they were more concerned about taking pictures than playing soccer. But once the game started they were all on the ground more than they were playing ball. It was almost like they were playing tackle football. :) here are a couple of pictures so you can see how cute he is :)
On a different note I went to my cousins soccer game last weekend. It was so cute, at the beginning they were more concerned about taking pictures than playing soccer. But once the game started they were all on the ground more than they were playing ball. It was almost like they were playing tackle football. :) here are a couple of pictures so you can see how cute he is :)
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